Supporting Your Children Through Your Divorce

When things go wrong in a marriage it is often wondered if the couple involved should stay together for the children. The fact of the matter is that it's not the separation that does the most damage, it's the living in a war zone that affects the kids. Nobody wants to live in a world that swings from stony silence to screaming fits and back again. Even if it's not that extreme children can sense when things aren't as they should be and may even wonder if it's something they've done.

Once the divorce process has been started it's important to let the children know what's happening before any changes take place. They need to be told, in a manner they can understand, what is happening and how it will affect them. Try and keep their normal routines so that as little changes in their lives as possible.

They should be reassured that the changes going on are due to nothing they have done. Many children wonder if they are to blame and it can take a lot of repeating to actually get it through to them that their parents can no longer stay together because of how the parents feel and not because they've done or said something to cause the rift.

One of the worst thing that can happen to a child during the divorce process is to find themselves torn between the two parents wondering if they should be siding with one or the other. Never confide in your child no matter how old they are. Find an understanding friend to share your troubles with. Your child needs to be able to freely love both parents.

Keeping the school informed of the changes in the children's live can help. It will help the teacher to understand any changes in mood from the child and, generally, schools will have the welfare of the child at heart and will inform parents if they think there are any problems. Around 1 in 3 children will go through separation so there isn't the stigma that used to be attached to divorce as there used to be.

There will always be the situation where one parent is not prepared to play along with the best practices. The one that does put down the other parent in front of the children, doesn't turn up when they're expected or won't let the children visit with the other parent. It's best not to 'play them at their own game'. An announcement of 'See I told you daddy's a bastard/mummy's a bitch!' is perhaps not the best way to go.

Children need to still have both parents and know that both parents still want them. There will always end up being just the one principle carer but the other parent should still make a place in their home that belongs to the children. Even if it's only a corner of a room where they can keep some of their bits and pieces. It shows them that they are always wanted there.

It can be awkward when, once the divorce is over, one of the parents finds a new partner - assuming that a new partner wasn't the reason for the divorce. The initial introduction is probably best done as a friend rather than lover. Children will have a chance of developing a relationship without the fear of upsetting the other parent before they are told that the new friend is rather more than that.

As far ash the children are concerned, even once divorce has taken place, mum, dad and kids are still family. This means they will want both parents involved in the important events in their lives. Try to help each other and work together in getting both of you to the school play or graduation day. You may have ended your marriage but your partnership in bringing up your children in the best way possible must continue.

Article Source: http://www.myaddirectory.com

Author Clare Denton helps couples handle divorce. Here she talks about the impact of divorce and children . For online support visit her site at Coping with Divorce.

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