Divorce Myths

Four or five decades back, a divorce was a source of misfortune to a woman and her children. The steep decrease in the standard of living pushed many a woman into emotional despair. Men would get over the pain, remarry and resume routine normalcy, quite fast. This has given rise to the general feeling that divorced women suffer more emotional damage compared to men. A closer analysis of the issues portrays the emergence of a reverse trend in modern times.

Women Suffer More Emotional Damage

‘Stay at home moms’ are forced to manage with diminished income and enhanced responsibility after the divorce. Popular wisdom dictates that such difficulties induce deep emotional pain. However, all such believers would be astounded to know that it is the divorced man who suffers more emotional damage.

Though women do suffer, they recoup much faster for they solicit help from friends and family alike. They also join divorce support groups. Men, on the other hand, have always been characterised to be the strong type, supporting the family. They are extremely disinclined to reach out for help.

Subsequently, divorced men are 6 times more likely to be depressed compared to their married counterparts. (Divorced women are just 3.5 times likelier to be depressed compared to married women.) The depression or extreme unhappiness weakens the immune system of divorced men and they suffer from respiratory, digestive or other illness, and are 4 times more likely to die premature and 21/2 times more likely to commit suicide. It’s no surprise that men are more eager to remarry compared to divorced women.

Men are Eager to Remarry, while Women are not

This statement has consistently remained a fact and has not turned a myth over the years. Men are eager to remarry after the death or divorce of their spouse. A set of statistics proclaims that men remarry within 3 years of their divorce while women take thrice the number of years to decide so. Remarriage rates are especially higher in well-qualified and high-income bracketed men. Women with a good education and employment, too, remarry, albeit, rather late.

One of the main reasons for this is the radical difference in the post-divorce situations for men and women. While women are perceived to relax in the new-found freedom, men struggle to cope with domestic duties. Many may not accept this fact, for gender-defined roles have weakened over the years. Yet, men are known to marry not only for love but also for the reduction of household responsibilities that a marriage entails. Moreover, (though the idea may sound feminist,) the fact remains that men benefit more from a marriage than women.

Women being custodial parents (in majority of the cases) find it difficult to date and remarry. Besides, women harbour more negative feelings of the past failure in relationships than men.

Negative Feelings between Ex-Spouses

Negative feelings between ex spouses are a possibility, for divorces terminate deeply unhappy marital relationships. Oppressive or sad relationships commonly induce bitter feelings for the ex partner. Even after a divorce, partners tend to bring up the very same issues that appeared rankling in their marital phase.

Though unhappiness and bitterness persist, many couples are making a determined effort to rise above the unhealthy situation. They steadfastly refuse to blame their ex and attempt to induce respect into the relationship. Such a cordial atmosphere is a vital necessity. After the divorce many are required to co-parent and this requires a continuous interaction with the ex spouse to discuss child-related issues. Holding on to bitterness and rivalry prevents effective communication. Further, they fear damaging their children emotionally, with their ongoing conflict.

Many divorced couples have developed healthy and friendly relationships. These get rarely reported for they are not interesting news. Only horror stories get repeated repeatedly and people tend to believe what they hear often. Thus, the common beliefs that ex spouses harbour bitter feelings have been perpetuated.

Divorce-related anger and acrimony are difficult to overcome, especially for the men, for divorces are, usually, initiated by the women. It’s a known fact that the leaver takes long to heal than the left. This could also explain the fact as to why a man emotionally suffers more after a divorce than a woman.

Article Source: http://www.myaddirectory.com

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you want to find out more about a solicitor managed divorce see www.managed-divorce.co.uk

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